So I saw The Tourist on New Year's Day. (Don't worry, someone else paid.)
This movie is silly.
The whole reason we ended up seeing it is because a) it was The Tourist or Little Fockers and I'm sorry Ben Stiller, IT'S OVER and b) The Survivalist likes movies with guns.
The plot: Okay, you guys, there is literally nothing I can say about the plot without spoiling it because if you have ANY INKLING AT ALL what the movie is about, there you go. You're spoiled. Look at the poster up there. SPOILED. Five minutes into the movie, The Survivalist (who is notorious for, when a movie is playing, asking continuously, "What's going on?" "Who's the good guy?" and "I don't get it!") told me how it would end. And he was right. What the hell.
So if you don't mind HIGHLY VAGUE and UNOBTRUSIVE spoilers, here's a smallish plot summary.
*Ahem* Angelina Jolie is in Paris, even though she is British. The French, who are being run by Scotland Yard, have her under surveillance 24/7, because her ex-boyfriend, Alexander Somethingorother, stole huge sums of money from a British mobster, then disappeared. Angie gets a letter from Alex saying, basically, "I'm sorry, I love you, get on Train X and find a guy who you can fool the cops into thinking is me. P.S. Burn this letter." If you guessed that Johnny Depp is the poor schmuck she frames as Alex, YOU ARE RIGHT. Wacky hijinks ensue.
Wacky hijinks here include: Brits being extremely British, every cliche you can imagine, a scary mobster with Russian goons, comically inept everyone except the main characters (and even that's in question) and a BOAT CHASE SCENE. THROUGH THE CANALS OF VENICE. YOU GUYS I AM NOT KIDDING.
So, worth seeing if you get someone else to pay for it. Also, Johnny Depp (who still sways like Jack Sparrow for some reason).