Friday, January 21, 2011

Oh God Oh God I have throat lice

Or something.

I woke up with half a cold this morning - the left side of my body is screaming at me to go back to bed while the right side of my body merrily consumes mass quantities of caffeine. I've been taking thousands of mg of Vit C and my throat still feels like it's about to acheive sentience and walk away. Also, I may have a fever. You get delusions of grandeur when you have a fever, right? Oh, no, that's regular delusions. NEVER MIND.

Anyway, I went and (using a mirror) gazed into my own lovely, albeit gaping, maw. Self-diagnosis FOR THE WIN. Unfortunately, all I could see was that my throat was extremely red (my throat is ALWAYS RED) and also there is something white back there. Immediate conclusion? Throat lice. Do I gargle turpentine now? That's what the school nurse used.

Also, this brings up an interesting point in my mind: why do we inevitably look in the mirror to try and see WHY our throats hurt? I do this every time, and my throat always, invariably, looks like a throat. I guess I'm half expecting to see a tumor, or an open wound, or knives or something back there, but nope. How unsatisfying.

Off to gargle with salt water and then maybe slip into a coma,
Binah the Bold

No comments:

Post a Comment