A Belated Christmas Post

So, after reading World War Z, I found myself becoming... inspired.

Also, GODDDD DO THE CHRISTMAS CAROLS EVER STOPPPP???

Brains! (To the tune of Silver Bells)

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks

Filled with zombies most vile

In the air there’s a feeling

Of terror

Children crying, people dying

Fleeing mile after mile

And on ev’ry street corner you hear

BRAAAIIINS! BRAAAIIINS!

The world is ending on Christmas

Breaking bones, hear them moan

Soon it will be Judgment Day

See the well-fed, hordes of undead

Mostly bright red and green

As the shoppers run home to their families

Hear the bones crunch, see the kids munch

Think they’ve got Santa’s spleen

And above all the panic you’ll hear

BRAAAIIINS! BRAAAIIINS!

The world is ending on Christmas

Breaking bones, hear them moan

Soon it will be Judgment Day

This is a post where I should use ALL THE CUSSES.

(If you have no interest in cats or poo, skip this post.)

My parents love animals.

Which is not to say that I don't. Because I fully do. But since I am living in their house, I get to make nice with their animals.

Why am I telling you this? Well, we recently upgraded from two cats and a large, crazy dog. Now we have FOUR cats and a large, crazy dog. One of the cats (Caledonia) is living in The Royal Bedroom due to space issues (also due to the large, crazy dog).

Caledonia has a head cold. She also likes to sleep on The Royal Bed.

Here's a brief rundown of last night's shenanigans:
10:45 pm - Arrive home. Wish to collapse into bed immediately. Am thwarted by parentals cuddling Caledonia and also cleaning her litterbox. Weep inside and go to the bathroom instead.
10:50 pm - Open door to bathroom, Captain Jack (our other new cat, who is crazy) escapes in .0001 seconds.
10:51 pm - Jack darts into The Royal Bedroom and disappears.
11:10 pm - After much hubbub, Jack is transported back to the bathroom, the parentals are kicked out and The Survivalist and I get into bed.
11:11 pm - Oh wait I still have to pee.
11:12 pm - It is FAR TOO COLD to get out of bed.
11:15 pm - Drift to sleep.
12:01 am - Am awakened by urgent need to pee. Climb over The Survivalist in mad dash to bathroom.
12:10 am - Back to bed.
1:15 am - Am awakened by horrific stench emanating from Caledonia's litter box. The Survivalist also is awakened and groans, "Smell... BAAAAD."
1:20 am - Cover poo with cat litter (because apparently our cat is defective in the poo-covering department), open scent-remover thingy. Weep.
1:25 am - Asleep. Again.
3:45 am - Awakened by sounds of Caledonia hacking up a hairball. Moan incoherently at her to stop it.
3:46 am - Hacking sounds continue. I heave myself up and over the lump that is The Survivalist. Discover she is hacking directly where my foot will land when I get out of bed. Swat ineffectually at her to get her to stop.
3:47 am - Realize that she is not hacking, she is having a sneeze attack.
3:48 am - Pass out in despair.
6:30 am - Woken by The Survivalist when he leaves for work. Should really kiss him back but can only grump at him to turn the light off.
7:30 am - Woken by The Mother because last night I left my phone at work and that's what I use for my alarm clock.

/KEYSMASH OF RAEG.

Dear Blogosphere

How does one start off a new blog? I was thinking maybe I'd post my New Years Resolutions for you here, but then I realized my resolutions are essentially the same every single year. No, seriously, look:
1. Eat better.
2. Lose weight.
3. Actually, eat whatever the hell I want while still maintaining #2.
4. Make more money (ha)
5. Move out of parents' house (double ha)
6. Make enough money to not only move out but also to have The Theoretical Wedding*.

Excepting #6, that's been my same list for the past few years. -_-

Maybe I'll shake it up this year. Maybe I'll go skydiving, or rock climbing, or go to Vegas.

Probably not, though.

Anyway, I obviously can't post my New Year's Resolutions for ya'll, 'cause that would be crazy boring. Then I thought, hey, why not explain what this blog is for? Yeah! That's a good idea!

Oh, wait. I'm not actually sure what this blog is for. I can tell you it will be for ranting and raving and telling personal, silly stories. Also it will be for reviews and recommendations. I might even post recipes sometimes, if I feel like it. Probably not, though, that's what TWC is for.

So if that interests you, stick around. I'll try to post at least every other day (but I'll probably not succeed with that because OOH SHINY.

...what was I saying?

*The Theoretical Wedding is hereby relegated to the theoretical land of theories due to the fact that we've** been engaged for over a year with no actual wedding in sight.
**We being myself and The Survivalist. Not "the royal we" (although that, too, applies here).