This is a post where I should use ALL THE CUSSES.

(If you have no interest in cats or poo, skip this post.)

My parents love animals.

Which is not to say that I don't. Because I fully do. But since I am living in their house, I get to make nice with their animals.

Why am I telling you this? Well, we recently upgraded from two cats and a large, crazy dog. Now we have FOUR cats and a large, crazy dog. One of the cats (Caledonia) is living in The Royal Bedroom due to space issues (also due to the large, crazy dog).

Caledonia has a head cold. She also likes to sleep on The Royal Bed.

Here's a brief rundown of last night's shenanigans:
10:45 pm - Arrive home. Wish to collapse into bed immediately. Am thwarted by parentals cuddling Caledonia and also cleaning her litterbox. Weep inside and go to the bathroom instead.
10:50 pm - Open door to bathroom, Captain Jack (our other new cat, who is crazy) escapes in .0001 seconds.
10:51 pm - Jack darts into The Royal Bedroom and disappears.
11:10 pm - After much hubbub, Jack is transported back to the bathroom, the parentals are kicked out and The Survivalist and I get into bed.
11:11 pm - Oh wait I still have to pee.
11:12 pm - It is FAR TOO COLD to get out of bed.
11:15 pm - Drift to sleep.
12:01 am - Am awakened by urgent need to pee. Climb over The Survivalist in mad dash to bathroom.
12:10 am - Back to bed.
1:15 am - Am awakened by horrific stench emanating from Caledonia's litter box. The Survivalist also is awakened and groans, "Smell... BAAAAD."
1:20 am - Cover poo with cat litter (because apparently our cat is defective in the poo-covering department), open scent-remover thingy. Weep.
1:25 am - Asleep. Again.
3:45 am - Awakened by sounds of Caledonia hacking up a hairball. Moan incoherently at her to stop it.
3:46 am - Hacking sounds continue. I heave myself up and over the lump that is The Survivalist. Discover she is hacking directly where my foot will land when I get out of bed. Swat ineffectually at her to get her to stop.
3:47 am - Realize that she is not hacking, she is having a sneeze attack.
3:48 am - Pass out in despair.
6:30 am - Woken by The Survivalist when he leaves for work. Should really kiss him back but can only grump at him to turn the light off.
7:30 am - Woken by The Mother because last night I left my phone at work and that's what I use for my alarm clock.

/KEYSMASH OF RAEG.