She is beginning to damage my calm!

Hello. There is no "she," really, unless you count a book as a she. I mean, the main character is a girl, so that works, except that it means I'm being driven mad by a fictional character.

The point being that my calm is rapidly rupturing.

I'm reading a book called "Adora." Here is a review. Go read it. I'll wait.

*checks watch*

Okay, now you're probably asking, "WHY, IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING, WOULD YOU READ A BOOK THAT GOT THAT REVIEW?!" To which I say, "You forgot to turn CapsLock off."

Also, because I have a secret weakness. I adore (HA IT'S A PUN) bad books and movies. Once it crosses the entertainment spectrum from Good to Terrible and just keeps going until it arrives back at - if not Good - Entertaining, I MUST HAVE IT. Well, experience it. I wouldn't pay money for it. And luckily for me, The Snark has the same weakness.

She also has more money than I do.

So we decided to challenge ourselves. She bought four of the absolute worst romance novels we could find.

I finished reading Decadent last week and it was HILARIOUS. Read the review on SmartBitches. The book is even funnier. I think the best analogy I could figure for it was a re-imagining of this classic Reese's Cups commercial:



[Both walk along, reading books. They turn the corner and bump into one another. The books go flying and the pages get mixed up.]
Man: (angrily) You got plot in my porn!
Woman: (also angrily) You got porn in my plot!
Both: (reading) Euuugh. (Making disgusted faces.)

SO... yeah. That happened.

ANYWAY.

Now I'm reading Adora. And this book is infuriating. If you read the review, you'll get an idea why, but here's what really actually made me mad: this book glorifies rape. The first sex scene that isn't rape is halfway through the book. The only man who doesn't rape her every time they have sex gets killed. Her "true love" rapes her, then buys her as a slave, then rapes her again. And she still loves him. Love being in giant quotation marks here.

habsahsoej isdjhahashdsajfkg sda;ajkfapegjjgjsdfl;a dw ARRRGH

So anyway, page 253, I give up. This is the first book I've started that I literally could not finish (except for The Fellowship of the Ring and seriously, I was ten when I tried to read it, so lay off).

Now onto reading Pregnesia!

This is a post where I should use ALL THE CUSSES.

(If you have no interest in cats or poo, skip this post.)

My parents love animals.

Which is not to say that I don't. Because I fully do. But since I am living in their house, I get to make nice with their animals.

Why am I telling you this? Well, we recently upgraded from two cats and a large, crazy dog. Now we have FOUR cats and a large, crazy dog. One of the cats (Caledonia) is living in The Royal Bedroom due to space issues (also due to the large, crazy dog).

Caledonia has a head cold. She also likes to sleep on The Royal Bed.

Here's a brief rundown of last night's shenanigans:
10:45 pm - Arrive home. Wish to collapse into bed immediately. Am thwarted by parentals cuddling Caledonia and also cleaning her litterbox. Weep inside and go to the bathroom instead.
10:50 pm - Open door to bathroom, Captain Jack (our other new cat, who is crazy) escapes in .0001 seconds.
10:51 pm - Jack darts into The Royal Bedroom and disappears.
11:10 pm - After much hubbub, Jack is transported back to the bathroom, the parentals are kicked out and The Survivalist and I get into bed.
11:11 pm - Oh wait I still have to pee.
11:12 pm - It is FAR TOO COLD to get out of bed.
11:15 pm - Drift to sleep.
12:01 am - Am awakened by urgent need to pee. Climb over The Survivalist in mad dash to bathroom.
12:10 am - Back to bed.
1:15 am - Am awakened by horrific stench emanating from Caledonia's litter box. The Survivalist also is awakened and groans, "Smell... BAAAAD."
1:20 am - Cover poo with cat litter (because apparently our cat is defective in the poo-covering department), open scent-remover thingy. Weep.
1:25 am - Asleep. Again.
3:45 am - Awakened by sounds of Caledonia hacking up a hairball. Moan incoherently at her to stop it.
3:46 am - Hacking sounds continue. I heave myself up and over the lump that is The Survivalist. Discover she is hacking directly where my foot will land when I get out of bed. Swat ineffectually at her to get her to stop.
3:47 am - Realize that she is not hacking, she is having a sneeze attack.
3:48 am - Pass out in despair.
6:30 am - Woken by The Survivalist when he leaves for work. Should really kiss him back but can only grump at him to turn the light off.
7:30 am - Woken by The Mother because last night I left my phone at work and that's what I use for my alarm clock.

/KEYSMASH OF RAEG.